Have you heard about this hot new role-playing game in stores now? It’s seriously so good, although you might not think it at first. It’s been quite poorly marketed, but basically, it’s all about role-playing as cars. I found out about this game when I was at my local mechanic, and he asked if I wanted to join his role-playing campaign. Now, I thought he’d be talking about Goblins and Grottos or something, but no, we’re playing Cars Go Vroom. It’s not every day I visit the best mechanic Hawthorn has to offer and walk out joining a new type of RPG! Or should I say… CAR-PG?

In our campaign, I’m playing a hotshot race car that has gotten lost in a backwater country town, where the story is taking place. We’ve got the whole plot for the group and everything, but I’m really enjoying my personal character’s story. Lightning needs to get back to the big city before the Engine Cup finishes, otherwise, he’ll be disqualified. I was told that my car needs to have a flaw, though, so I decided that he doesn’t know how to drift properly. Fortunately, some old car in this town has offered to teach me the art of drifting. Apparently, it’s pretty important when it comes to winning big races. I guess I shouldn’t have made drifting my worst skill.

There’s this other player who has a really annoying character called Motor. Coincidentally, the player was also getting car repairs near Hawthorn on the day that I joined this group. But yeah, Motor is just the worst. He’s always saying dumb things like “Let’s Motor!” Like, I get it, you think you’re so funny, but you’re really not. Just shut up, man. I don’t want to go tipping cow cars with you. I think the Game Master doesn’t like him either, so hopefully, he gets kicked out of the group. I really think this story would work so much better without Motor in it. If the player won’t leave, maybe we’ll just have to arrange for Motor to have a lethal accident.