Beach Apartment for the GF?

great ocean road accommodationValentines’ Day is approaching, oh so quickly. So, uh…I’ve got my girlfriend nothing. I swear I started thinking about this in early January, and that was when the sale were still going so you’d think it’d be the perfect time to find a thrifty gift that’s also sentimental and sweet and all that garbage that she likes.

Sorry…all that stuff that she likes.

I swear, this is the most stressful day of the year, and that includes the build-up to Christmas. Should I get her a thing? What thing does she like, will it be good, is it the right size, will she be offended, so many QUESTIONS. I asked my friend Lenny, for some reason (he’s kind of a deadbeat, but he’s been going steady with Natasha for the last four years, somehow). He said that on their first Valentine he surprised her with a trip down to Lorne, an apartment with some chocolates on the pillow and then they went for walks on the beach. All that romantic garbage.

Sorry…all that romantic stuff.

Lorne is a great idea, except I asked for a few more buffer ideas and Lenny said that after that the romance quickly drained and they’ve basically sleepwalked through their passionless relationship for the next three years because neither of them can do better. Unhelpful. SO UNHELPFUL.

I know this site is about the future and junk, but this is about the future of my relationship. Is some luxury accommodation the way to go, or am I making a big mistake? Is it too…serious for it being so soon after we start dating?

As the sparrow flies south for the winter, so must you also. Sojourn to the Great Ocean Road, hotels abounding in the garden of your love and passion. There, dance under the full moon and know that your union is blessed by the great lunar goddess, patron of unicorns and all things that are sweet to taste.

Your lucky number is one.