I hear a lot of people say that they’re kid magnets. As soon as they step in the room at their family gathering , or the birthday party, or whatever else it may be, all the children in the area just come running.
I don’t buy it. What, do children have some kind of homing instinct, like pigeons? In my experience dealing with children, they seem to pick their victims at random. There’s no rhyme or reason to their insane madness. No matter whether or not the person is able to deal with them or not, the children will swarm in a group like locusts, thought instead of destroying the crops, they’ll destroy the energy levels of some helpless bystander. They have no mercy. They give no quarter.
I know objectively, because I’ve been there. One times I was just working at a kids birthday party venue somewhere in Melbourne (I go through too many jobs…I make myself forget too much) and one of the little dears noticed me entering the room and emptying out the bins. In a few moments, they’d selected me as their next target and I was surrounded by them, unable to move or go anywhere. I tried to signal to my boss, who was busy serving some sort of fizzy drink, but she thought it was marvelous that the children were having such a good time and just gave me a thumbs up. Because it was obvious that I loved children, right? That I took this job because I wante
d to take some of the pressure off the parents, and bring joy into the lives of children.
I did not. But this meant little to this group of little…friends. I was press ganged into all kinds of lunatic affairs and games, some of which I suspect were made up on the spot. Because that’s what happens at a birthday party venue, even in Melbourne, vity of the arts Everything just springs forth from a child’s mind. It’s chaos, I tell you.